My Mother
My mom and my dad's wedding photo..
Emotions suddenly overwhelmed me, and I felt the urge to blog.
It has been 11 years since she left us, and we're all doing fine. Not great, just fine. I remembered it was a Sunday afternoon when it all happened. I finished my Organ lesson and was happily travelling with my friend and her mother towards the hospital to visit my mother.
And, it was then she left without saying goodbye to me. I reached the carpark of the hospital and saw my dad scurrying towards his car. He saw me and spoke quietly to my friend's mother. I knew something was wrong. She really left... My dad brought me to her ward and what I saw was a white cloth covering her. My auntie screamed at the nurses to allow me to see her for the last time. I cried hysterically, just like now.
I was only 8 years old at that time, but I knew what was going on. I knew my mother has left us, and gone to a better place without sickness and suffering. We went home, and everything seemed different. The funeral was held below my flat and my dad hired people to move out the big bed. Their big bed. I was so young back then and with a little of entertainment, it kept me occupied. I was still playing with some stupid ball with my cousins instead of burning those incense for my mother. I didn't really tear at the funeral.On the 3rd or 4th day, we had to cremate her. It was then I realised that I was not going to see her again. I screamed, cried, couldn't stop my tears, but it was all too late.
She's gone, for good...
Mom, I miss you so much.. I just cannot let go. I miss you so much... I'm sorry for making you angry in the past. I'm sorry for not studying when you want me to. I really regret that i've never gotten the chance to tell her, "I love you."
I've always envy my friends, with a happy family and with parents that care about them. Like Cheryl and Pri. They have a wonderful family who will always be there for them. How I envy them. How I wish my family is that cohesive. How I wish my mother had never left.. Life is cruel, and I never fail to remember that. I've always asked myself. Why does it have to happen to me? Why does it have to be my family? I really don't know.
Lucky for me I have a loving auntie. My god-mother to be exact. She has always been here for us, and she is like a second mother to me. She took care of me and my siblings. Without her, I think my family would have collapsed. We're all grateful to her, and I love her very much. She's the person in my family, who knows me best. Even my dad and my siblings don't know me that well.. Must really thank her.. Sigh.
I may always appear to be jovial and a happy-go-lucky whatever person. But this is just something that I cannot let go. Everytime I think of it, I just breakdown totally..
It has been 11 years since she left us, and we're all doing fine. Not great, just fine. I remembered it was a Sunday afternoon when it all happened. I finished my Organ lesson and was happily travelling with my friend and her mother towards the hospital to visit my mother.
And, it was then she left without saying goodbye to me. I reached the carpark of the hospital and saw my dad scurrying towards his car. He saw me and spoke quietly to my friend's mother. I knew something was wrong. She really left... My dad brought me to her ward and what I saw was a white cloth covering her. My auntie screamed at the nurses to allow me to see her for the last time. I cried hysterically, just like now.
I was only 8 years old at that time, but I knew what was going on. I knew my mother has left us, and gone to a better place without sickness and suffering. We went home, and everything seemed different. The funeral was held below my flat and my dad hired people to move out the big bed. Their big bed. I was so young back then and with a little of entertainment, it kept me occupied. I was still playing with some stupid ball with my cousins instead of burning those incense for my mother. I didn't really tear at the funeral.On the 3rd or 4th day, we had to cremate her. It was then I realised that I was not going to see her again. I screamed, cried, couldn't stop my tears, but it was all too late.
She's gone, for good...
Mom, I miss you so much.. I just cannot let go. I miss you so much... I'm sorry for making you angry in the past. I'm sorry for not studying when you want me to. I really regret that i've never gotten the chance to tell her, "I love you."
I've always envy my friends, with a happy family and with parents that care about them. Like Cheryl and Pri. They have a wonderful family who will always be there for them. How I envy them. How I wish my family is that cohesive. How I wish my mother had never left.. Life is cruel, and I never fail to remember that. I've always asked myself. Why does it have to happen to me? Why does it have to be my family? I really don't know.
Lucky for me I have a loving auntie. My god-mother to be exact. She has always been here for us, and she is like a second mother to me. She took care of me and my siblings. Without her, I think my family would have collapsed. We're all grateful to her, and I love her very much. She's the person in my family, who knows me best. Even my dad and my siblings don't know me that well.. Must really thank her.. Sigh.
I may always appear to be jovial and a happy-go-lucky whatever person. But this is just something that I cannot let go. Everytime I think of it, I just breakdown totally..
posted by Chloe @ 10:52 PM
1 Comments:
Xiu. *huGz* what's past has past. I know how you feel thou' it's kinda different. but let just treasure now for now and keep memories safe. I believe your mum will be in your heart always and always be there to guard you. iloveyou =) buddy loves you.
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