I just want to be me

Tired.....

Everything has become from bad to worse. Now she has the impression that 'I can make people pity me'. So was it all my fault?

I didn't want a confrontation, so I said i didn't wanna say it all out. You asked me to. I did, and you got mad at me. Can you please think hard, have I not shared any secrets with you? Have i gotten mad with you easily? Have I? The reason why I got so mad is obvious. You keep showing me the T___T look. I want to know whats wrong. I want to know was it something i did again to make you so unhappy and show me a T___T face. You wouldn't tell. Now that i know your mom is in hospital, i feel bad. But this doesn't give you the reason to fa xie on us. You can tell us whats wrong, sure we'll understand. But if you keep it all to yourself, we feel insecure. We feel that it's all our fault thats why you got so T___T. Now you've made it seem like it's my fault with that "You can make people pity you." Hello? I don't NEED people to pity me. Do you? If you need, I CAN PITY YOU. Sigh. You don't need people to pity u. What you need is care and concern. But why do you push us away with T___T and expect us to console you and to care for you? It's like, you are everchanging. I feel so tired. I have to know what has happened to you with just one glance at your expression? It's really hard, you know that?

I was so stressed up yesterday with the collection of money, with the giving out of the TR exam description papers. I didn't even keep one for myself. I admit i went a little crazy by pointing at John and saying all that stuff, but hey, I was really stressed up and people who HAVE the money refused to hand it up to me. I need to let it out you know? I think to her, I went overboard doing that. Fine, I can apologize you know? But don't show me that f***ing attitude. ARGH!

Yesterday was my most angry day i've ever felt in my WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE UNTIL NOW and I cursed and swear and scolded vulgarities and...cried... I couldnt calm myself down....argh. I was really mad with myself and with her. What went wrong? I keep asking myself, but the answer just wouldn't come out. I feel so tired, so tired. I don't want people to pity me...

Why???

posted by Chloe @ 10:22 AM